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Subject:one day
Time:07:37 pm
you'll find the girl of your dreams
she'll really knock you off your feet
always keeps you waitin
constantly debating
if she's really worth playing...

she hits the right notes
she sends all the right signs
she messes with your mind and
she aint even tryin.
you both can play that game
let love just waste away
all i have to say is one day..oh one day

you'll be broken
like someone has stolen
all your pride and joy away
she'll rip right through you
and you won't have a clue
...that you've done the same

you wish you could have stayed
but you've already been played
you dont feel okay and
nothing really seems the same.

she wont return your calls
wont talk to you at all
how does it feel babe?

no smile on your face
i can tell your in that place
of hurt and confusion

she sent all the right signs
she really blew your mind
she really broke your heart
(she didnt even try)
you cant play her games
you're starting to feel really lame
and its such a shame...ohhh

now you're thinkin 'bout
tryin' to work things out
boy, she's not comin' around
she left, gone without a sound
i really wish you knew
that girl was once you....
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Subject:Go on Boy(My Verision) :)
Time:07:29 pm
i cant get him back
but i dont want him back
i realized that HE dont know how to act

never been a stupid girl
nope, im not dense
i just had a slight lack of common sense

i was the good girl
he was the bad boy
im thinking on guy
he thinkin me, chelsea, anna, and tori
tellin them the same story
he left em all
no love, no glory

i was invitin him into my heart
but he was out ridin some girl in his car
he was my sunshine
i thought i was his star
guess i was wrong
but didnt take that long
for me to move, move on

ohhhhhhhhhhhh
please dont worry 'bout me
im fine
only gonna play the game one time
trust me when i say
that i'll be okay...
go on boy..
go on boy..

i cant get him back
but i dont want him back
i realized that He dont know how to act
wanted tied down, man i was set
thought i was my time
but i guess NOT YET.

he at a party
hittin on many girls
im at my house
still got ma curlers in
just not knowin
truely not knowin
i look back now like
daaayyummm i was open

the mistake i made is clear
i shoulda listened to her..
thats the reason you're not here
you're fake, i deserve much better
not a single, salty tear
not a feelin in my chest
play, im feelin no stress
im too relieved to feel depressed...

go on boy
go on boy
go on boy

....go on boy
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Subject:Kiss That Bottle Goodbye
Time:10:18 am
Sunday,
Go to Church,
dresses up nice.
your not here, your working.
You come home
You reach for it
but I tell you
"Kiss That Bottle Goodbye"

Monday,
Wake up
Go to school
fake a cough, I come home
I suddenly realize
Its empty
I tell you
To your face
"You have a problem"

Tuesday,
I come home,
Your crying,
inside dying, slowly
I hug you
You tell me
"Your getting help"

2 weeks later,
almost better,
I wait for you
by the door, its open
Dad come home,
I miss you so,
I know it was hard
to let the bottle go....
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Subject:Hurt a Lot
Time:04:19 pm
Why
Does this
Hurt so bad.
When
will you
feel it again.
What could I do
You can't seem to choose
I won't come back to you.
If only we didnt make
so many childish mistakes

Thinking with our hearts
Common sense just fell apart
The rings already broke
Timed already choked
We missed our shot
I told you this would hurt a lot.

Why
Do you
Not care.
About me..at all.
When
Will you realize
You are so wrong
But we were so right
The story was just too long...

Things are so unclear
Shattered glass
Broken cracks
A face in my mirror.

This
Its time to say goodbye
So long
I'm sorry
Don't forget
All the nights
Emotions
Nerves
but it wasn't right...
I knew it wasn't right...

When your with her,
I hope you see
There will be a part of you
That regrets not loving me.
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Subject:his only child
Time:08:44 pm
She smiles just to hide the tears
The ones streaming down her face
She lies just to make everything seem, okay.
She's dying inside
As she desperately hides
Her feelings are kept away.

He can't seem to help her now
he's hopeless and wonders how
The one he loved got so sick and now
There's no where to run son.
She's lost all direction.
There's no way to save her from
The darkness she has become.

And through all the days
He wishes this was a dream
A fairytale locked away
An ending that had a good name
He fell down so hard
He knew she'd be so proud
Of everything he endowed
For her, his only child

The clock ticks ten and goes
Her sadness builds and shows
Through her sparkling eyes
With every tear she cried
He'd beat himself down,
yell a lot louder,
wished he'd come home.
to let her know she wasn't alone.

He's right there beside her
The breathing gets louder
The words come out faster
And now the end has come to say

that she was
that she is
and always will be
his only child.
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Subject:Broken Hearts Can Mend
Time:08:24 pm
Angel, angel
Lay me down to sleep
I won't close my eyes
I'm afraid you'll leave
My dreams, angel
they scared me
I die in thought
of the blood red sea
sweeping you away
far away from me
I watch you drown then
It seems to haunt me
I won't sleep again

I will always go
Wherever you will go
Hand in hand,
And here I stand
Time moves so slow
I want you to know that
We can live again
The truth is our rfiend and
no more lying
or denying that
Broken Hearts Can Mend.

Angel, angel
Tell me your secrets
The ones you keep
burried so very deep
Among your scars
I don't want to wait
For you to decide
If you want me
'Cause I won't be second in line.
But I know,
you'll make the right choice
But I hope,
I won't get hurt...again

You take my hand
Your palms are sweaty
I can feel it already
Clouds fill my mind
I draw a blank
Air fills my mouth
The words just slipped out...

Angel, angel
Do you believe
When I say,
We can live...again
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Subject:I'd Love to Make You Happy
Time:09:22 pm
head high high,
smile on face,
body like a goddess,
more than i can take.
she stares this way
i don't know what to say
should i talk to her?
could that even occur?
and now, she walks my away
blood stopped in my veins
i'm a freak to feel this way
She just stopped here to say, "hello"

my mind is on a slow ride
her smile sadly slides away
what can i do to make her happy?
Cause goregous you know I know
I'd love to make you happy.
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Subject:I'm This Way
Time:09:09 pm
I wish...
I was
beautiful and lovely
No one could stop me
from being so free
determined and fighting
winning, so precisely
i cant, believe
i'm dying slowly

just a year ago
i lived a life on my own
i knew what was right,
i knew that night, i changed
and through it all, all i've lost is
dignity and security, just thru mediocrity
i now see that this disease
has taken over me.

i call my friend just to say 'i cant go"
the food there scares me away, that I know
I'd rather be alone, knowing that the numbers won't budge
today turns into tomorrow,
the night turns into day,
i stare outside my window
the dial stays the same.
i cry, just knowing, i'm dying
i sigh, just realizing i'm this way.

you can't stop me
its eating me alive
you can't fight it
cuz if you do,I will die
It has me hostage
locked inside, all chained
and now, i've lost it
my mind is dull, i've given up
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Time:04:03 pm
Well, after a long 3 months of "recovery" as my therapit so calls it.
I'm done with treatment.
I'm 5'8 at 130 pounds.
115 here I come :)

I've been eating 3 basic meals a day...that;s on a good day and now, I'm trying my hardest to not drink anymore pop(even diet).

Today, at school, my counselor ate lunch with me. I had a baked potato.300 right there. Cheese on the side and meat. (add another 500) And a chocolate milk (160) Do you think that was more or less? :-/

Awful.
I know.

But that is why I'm starting a 7 day fast starting tonight at 12am.

I am being casting for a modeling job on May 27th so I want to be as thin as possible for then.


Think thin :)
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Subject:You Don't Realize
Time:02:18 pm
I set it all up
It was supposed to work out
The feelings changed
And know I doubt
You'll take me back
for who I am
Not who I was
A cheap old scam.
I loved you once.
I can love you again.
To you I am just a friend.

Some things that you don't know
would open your eyes
The rules I broke for you
would make you surprised
And here I go again,
I fall down to your knees,
And beg you again,
Take me back please.

I lie up in my room
The truths comin soon
My child within,
Has left a sin.
I feel so pushed in.
who cares about my wants?
They are fucking useless
What if I dared to miss you
What if I dared to hit you.
For making me feel this pain
Stupid selfish games.

So before we move on,
And go our separate ways
You won't ever realize
All the long ass days
I spent thinking of you
And your perfect face
Up in my room
My safe, secure place
If you only you thought of me...
The same way...
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